The Lake House; its lake effect

Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show...(the opening lines of David Copperfield as written by Charles Dickens;inspired by MTM). Or at least this ACCOUNT will, perhaps, have a reflection on whether I'm going to be the hero in my own life.

You were there like a blowtorch burning
(You were there with a fire, for years, burning)
I was a key that could use a little turning
(I was late catching on to your pounding heart's churning)
...still more Soul Asylum~~~Runaway Train; with a slant.

Over some time now I've been observing, mostly through FACEBOOK Comments and remarks of that nature, the mentioning by a couple of women, the virtues of sensitivity, compassion, and romance. And recently, on one of the Walls, there has appeared the reference to the movie, LAKE HOUSE~~~and romance. As a SUB-TITLE, the U-Tube caption reads as follows:...they are dancing, hug each other in a very Romantic moment. Interestingly, this has created a bit of a captive audience. A female friend replies..."I want that kind of romance...and it wouldn't hurt if he was the one doling it out." While the commentary so far has come from women, whether it is a man, or a woman, the statements evoke the mind to respond; to see its own version of how the romance should be played out. This may surprise you, but as humanity, man can be sensitive enough to have a romantic side, too. A [this] man may even have his own version of how romance would manifest itself in his Lake House.

Let us even forget, for the moment, that this just might be an issue between a husband and a wife. Instead, it is a man~~~and a woman.

Sitting along the rail of the deck of The lake House, Louie is deep in thought. Looking out over the rail, onto the serene crystal gloss-finish of the surface of the lake, Angel can readily recognize that Louie is world's-away in thought. She, as well, sees the thoughts as weighted ones. And Angel knows this, having been with Louie for some years now, because through all the trials & tribulations of their shared experiences, her heart still feels a pulse for this man.

Angel walks up to Louie and sits along-side him. She comes in close, because she wants to let him know that he is not alone; he has his heart and his soul right along-side him. Once seated, Angel angles her chair, takes Louie's hands, and looks him in the eyes. It is a gripping elongated moment, a moment that in the grasp of love, seemed forever. Through each others eyes, they had just walked into the abyss of each others souls. It was this sanctuary of tranquility that Angel came forward with what was on her mind. Louie, I know you are hurting. I see how this illness has weighed heavy on your mind. And how it has taken an obvious toll on you physically. I can see that with you having lost this very bountiful job, you are worried sick. Louie, you must know that you are not carrying this weight
by yourself anymore. I will help. I don't know how, yet, but you need to know that I will do whatever I can for you. I am here for you. Whatever resources I can generate, I would love to help you carry some of this burden. Look, if I have to take on another cleaning job, I will. Whatever you need, I'm there for you. I love you, and this is my pledge to you. This is my pledge to us. I need you; I need you strong. Don't despair, don't lose hope.

Louie, incredibly touched and moved by the unexpected assurances, had is eyes welling with tears. For Louie, this was mentally going to be a slow-dance. He was going to have to come to terms that he didn't Have to be the sole-provider anymore; that the lifestyle expenses were going to be a shared experience. The slow-dance was Louie's way of having Angel know he could and would come to terms with that arrangement.

Louie then looked into Angel's eyes, and said...thank you. Knowing that I am not carrying this alone, with the reduced income level into the household, gives me some peace-of-mind of knowing that there is an additional source of income to count on. And more importantly, Angel, is that you came to me and initiated the overture. You made a genuine offering of yourself to me, unsolicited. It wasn't solicited; it wasn't pleaded for, whereby I would be made to feel that I was the incapable one having to seek a hand-out to meet my obligations. It became our obligations, and Angel, I am so grateful for your help. Know that if and when circumstances should improve, I will reclaim covering what I always felt was my end-of-the-bargain to be responsible for. Know that I Love You Angel, because you are truly The Love of My Life.

That is the Lake House moment I see played out in my head having to do with love, support, reaching-out, and being there for the Love-of-Your-Life.

In the real world---none of that took place. Instead, what message does come across very very often, in ALL parts of the relationship is...you are on your own.

As I struggle up the side-door stairs, coming into the house from the Belle Center, it is our Tootsie, the little lovable dachshund, that comes to the door to greet me. From the living room, glued to the armoire furniture-fixture and the desk-top computer doing U-Tube and FACEBOOK, is my wife, calling out...who's there; how was work?? Like I'm going to converse, from three rooms away. I just reply...it was good.

Or how about this one. We are actually having a family sit-down-at-the-kitchen-table-supper, and rather than having an engaging conversation with the husband throughout the supper, the intent instead is to get through supper so that she can retreat back to the computer, U-Tube, and FACEBOOK. And there I am, at the supper-table still eating, with loyal Tootsie underfoot; alone again naturally.

I don't even know if she is being coached into this behavior, or if she is choosing this course-of-action on her own, as pay-back. The term pay-back, is referencing all of the vile and indiscretionary acts I have done against her in our married life.

Of course, now one wonders, OMG, what did this vile, indespicable, cockroach of humanity do that the wife still harbors such resentment. And in conversations, she makes it a point to remind me of those acts that, because they cannot be forgotten, they cannot be forgiven.

Sensitive, compassionate, and romantic. It has to be with another person, because on good days, we just co-exist.

For one hour on Sunday, I actually do feel loved. I actually get a kiss from her. She'll dress up and if I'm really lucky, she'll be wearing one of her Rings. Sometimes it will even be the Reaffirmation Ring that I got for her, for Christmas 2006.

That was SUPPOSED to be my, on my knees, statement to tell her that I was rededicating the 1973 Lou back to her. The young, innocent, if-you-even-think-of-leaving-me-I'd-be-crushed, Lou.

Her response to the ring, which was very expensive I might add, flabbergasted me. I was so crestfallen, I honestly felt like the young suitor; rejected. More out of sympathy for me not having to embarrassingly return the ring she, with hesitation, put it on. The pregnant-pauses, the obvious reservations about the ring and the statement it was supposed to make, left as lasting an impression on me as apparently what I have done in the past~~~has left, as impressions, on her.

The reaction to that gift, became the watershed moment for me and our marriage. It took the winds right out of my sails. That gesture was supposed to be the evidence that would give testimony to a marriage that was getting back on track and, was supposed to be made-in-heaven.

A void; a kind of emptiness just ended up becoming~~~whom I am. The irony is that even though I thought I was going to be crushed, I wasn't. Disappointed; hugely. Crushed; no.

No man can LIVE alone, though.
--{-=@
Hickok
The Promise